Every Saturday night Kingston’s own Mclusky’s nightclub has the grand honour of presenting the latest contestant to be booted off The X Factor.

On Saturday November 14^th eighth place finalist Lucie Jones will be appearing at the club after losing out on the public vote to her fellow teenage rivals, the bequiffed twins John and Edward.

Week after week Jedward perform in an off-key quasi-bark, occasionally pausing to deliver a spoken interlude in an excruciating American-Irish mid-Atlantic twang. This week the theme was movie soundtracks and the pair yelped out Ghostbusters in matching boiler suits in a manner which was certainly entertaining, albeit somewhat disturbing.

Louis Walsh should perhaps be videoed banging his head on the table or clawing his own face in Frankenstein-like horror at the monster he has unleashed on the general public. Instead he grins and bounces along devotedly to their every faux-rap and shimmy.

The goonish charm of the twins perhaps lies in their utter lack of self-awareness and seeming immunity to ridicule. They dance like a particularly sheltered pair of 7-year-olds in a school play, out of time both with the backing music and each other. They’re Teflon-coated toddlers.

Lucie is without doubt several thousand leagues above Jedward in the talent stakes. She’s a beautiful, harmless girl with a lovely voice- but boring to watch. It was her generic vanilla to the twins’ nauseating tutti-frutti and bad-taste won the day. Lucie’s rendition of a Disney song about finding your destiny was technically good but perhaps just a bit too sincere and low-rent Miley Cyrus for the average cynical Brit. We just want to see if the twins can ever top the red PVC catsuits.

Nevertheless, if anyone had to go, it should have been the abominable Poundland Lenny Kravitz that is Jamie. Lucie was unflinchingly gracious in defeat, insisting the twins deserved their success without overt sarcasm. Her mentor Danni Minogue pulled her into a hug with a muffled bleat that she blamed herself. Underneath her bizarrely lop-sided lego-man fringe there was clearly a serious mea culpa situation going on, but as ever it was hard to gage anything from her perma-frozen facial expression.

 If you’d like to personally console Lucie for her defeat at the hands of the terrible twosome, McClusky’s are offering VIP access on November 14^th for ten pounds.